Entertainment

Are you a cucumber or carrot?

11/09/2015 Parvesh Bravo 0 Comments

If you were a player in the 1970’s and 1980’s the big pick-up line was ‘what is your sign? Are you a Leo or a Capricorn? If a young Taiwanese condom designer has his way, the new line will be are you a ‘banana or zucchini?’

Get the picture: a young man walks into a retailer to buy condoms. He walks over to the area where they are displayed and sees a bunch of gaggling females laughing and having a good time with a product he can only see comes in bright colours. The girls are wrapped their hands around a tube declaring this is exactly what they want. What they are holding in their hands is a representative size of a man’s penis. They can go into a store a feel up a man without really feeling him up.

Guan-Hao Pan, the young designer, has come up with a product that he believes will be an answer to all the men who do not know which size condom to use. For a condom to be effective it has to be used each and every time you have sex, and it must fit. The cliché is loose lips sink ships but loose condoms sink a relationship. There are many condoms sizes to choose from, including smaller condoms and larger condoms.

Many, many studies have been conducted regarding failure rates of condoms and most assign the blame to poor fit. If the condom slides off or burst during sex, the users live in fear until they can be tested for STIs or worse. Sex education today does not include instructing a young man on how to find the right size condom. With the one-size-fits-all standard, young men are setting themselves up for failure in several areas. They complain that there is a loss of sensation. But if they wore the correct condom, they would find sex more enjoyable.

The proposed Love Guide condoms would come in tubes that correspond with the size of a man’s penis. All the man has to do is grip the package to tell the girth of the product. The smallest is a cucumber and the five sizes go up to the massive zucchini. Each size is a different colour veggie or fruit. While the package contains 12 condoms, the ‘wrappers’ look like a slice of the produce.

Love Guide condoms are still in the research and development stage and have not been given the go-ahead for mass production. While the idea has merits there may be a problem with marketing. Yes, the girls may visit the display much too often and fondle the goods. It might look a little stranger for a straight young man to be squeezing the packages. Worse, everyone would see him buying a cucumber.

For now the best advice to give the novice – or even those with experience – is to look on-line at sizing charts in the comfort and privacy of their homes. If one needs a cucumber, at least his penis will not be green.